Over the course of a week I am forwarded many emails, some witty, some not, but this particular one is worth sharing. There are several variants of it floating across the ether, but this is the one that I received (hyperlinks are my addition):
[1] I've not had an opportunity to visit Ft. Worth, but I've had various fun at the other cities:
- Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
- Southerners know their religions:
- Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm[1]:
- Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
- Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them,you "PITCH" them.
- Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
- Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
- Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
- Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
- All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
- Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
- Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
- Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
- No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
- A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
- Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
- Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
- In the South, “y'all” is singular, “all y'all” is plural.
- Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
- Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco , and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
- When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
- Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
- And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.
- To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!
- And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language[3]!
- Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !
- There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. There ain't nobody interested in livin' up north, nobody would buy the magazine!
- Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a’been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.
~~~
- Charleston:
- Savannah:
- New Orleans
- Atlanta
- Centennial Olympic Park (I served as military security during the 1996 Summer Olympics, so this one is extra sentimental.)
- Underground Atlanta
[2] I know... I know... he's not in a tuxedo, but how could I pass up the opportunity to show a picture of Colonel Sanders in a reference to Southern men dressed up?
[3] In reading the text above, if you find your Southern American English skills lacking, I recommend How to Speak Southern by Steve Mitchell and Southern Talk: A Disappearing Language by Ray Cunningham.
[3] In reading the text above, if you find your Southern American English skills lacking, I recommend How to Speak Southern by Steve Mitchell and Southern Talk: A Disappearing Language by Ray Cunningham.
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